The town was small and I would run into Mauricio on occasions, even
after Sally had left. One time I couldn't resist probing a little into
what made him turn to that fascist group. By this time my Spanish had
totally outstripped
his English - but the story he told me was so arcane and strange,
I wondered if I could possibly be understanding correctly.
Mauricio and his sister had met a very charismatic man who recruited for the Fuerza Nueva. He was never pushy, he just explained his viewpoint simply and clearly and became a friend. One day they were out with this guy eating and drinking when he produced some weed. He explained that the FN did not approve of drugs as a rule. However, he wondered if they would be willing to engage in an experiment with him that would reconfirm the trust that had been building amongst them.
Of what followed Mauricio was not sure what was the drink, the drugs or the mesmeric power of the man. He asked them all to concentrate on a button of his jean jacket - a Levi button. And Mauricio said that as he did so he found he was suddenly inside the button - hanging out there on the L of Levi with the E rising out before him. And the others were there with him and they talked and walked around. He didn't know if the experience lasted for minutes or hours or seconds.
And somehow the experience of having the faith to follow that man
anywhere in this world or out into another dimension converted Mauricio.
His story made me sad, but illuminated the yearning for
love and security and excitement and power beyond the normal. And the
urge to follow a strong figure into mystery and the pull to become
like that man and have blind followers. And it scared me. Its
attraction was something that I felt, and I hated to feel. And Mauricio's
glowing eyed dedication repelled me.
I downed more red wine and found myself getting heated. I argued vehemently against Mauricio's experience and the politics it had led him too. I revealed myself as a feminist and a socialist. I was against any form of authoritarianism, and believed it ws the most important duty of each one of us to take full resposibility for ourselves.
No quiero mandar y no quiero que me mandan.
"I don't want to give or take orders."
And he said, "But I do."
Other memories jogged by this photo. Further memories. This Photo. All the Photos
Trail - Spain
Photos in Chronological Order
Map/Diagram of Story Elements